I think all armies have a lot of things in common as far as mentality is concerned (love for ceremony, strict hierarchies, enthusiasm with polishing their equipment etc)

Yes, farting inside a tank or an APC with the hatches closed seems like a tricky situation. At least you can open the hatch (if you are in a safe place: kilometers away from enemies firing at you). I wonder what happens if someone farts in a submarine or a spaceship though.

Speaking of spaceships, I just reread your article about Holdo and the Last Jedi and I found a solution to the major problem there. (I post it here and not there because it is fart-related).

As we know Holdo had a plan but she refused to share it with anyone so Dameron asked about it. Here is how it could go:

Dameron: So Admiral, what is our plan?
Holdo (annoyed): I have no obligation to tell you Captain.
Dameron (determined): I am very determined Admiral. And I have a way to find out.
Holdo (unconvinced): What way Captain?
Dameron (with a big confident smile): I had beans for breakfast! Two cans of them to be precise.
Holdo (horrified): You are not going to fart on the bridge, are you?
Dameron (still smiling): That depends on whether you tell me about the plan Admiral. I can barely restrain myself!
Holdo (resigned): Very well Captain, here is the plan (and proceeds to tell him).

(I know it is a bit silly, but I can’t restrain myself. I love farts as plot devices.)

George,

The Greek army sounds a lot like our army. Also, there is no better place to fart than inside a tank when you have to keep the hatches closed. 🙂

I was assigned to an infantry company, and I was part of a platoon. All of us were in a small room, standing in attention and waiting for the company commander to inspect us when suddenly I had an urge … a very strong urge to fart!

I tried very hard to suppress my urge! I really did. But in the end I “fired” a “stealthy” one (you know, one that makes no noise but keeps the nice farty perfume intact). One of the other soldiers — who up to that point was half asleep — suddenly jolted up.

“Hey what was that?” he asked, a bit scared. “Who farted?”

Hesitantly, I admitted I had done it.

“My god,” he said still scared, “I haven’t smelled such fart since I was ten years old.” Needless to say, we all tried really very hard not to burst into laughter (our company commander was in the next room and inspecting another platoon).

It was a moment of agony. The smell of the fart had engulfed the room (it was winter, and we had orders to keep the windows closed). The company commander slowly approached our room … when we suddenly heard his voice. He was ordering all the company to exit the building and stand to attention in formation outside (a standard daily practice in the Greek Army) to brief us about the day’s training and other activities. For some reason he didn’t inspect us that day.

Thirteen years later, I still have this same question: Was my fart the reason our company commander didn’t inspect us that day? (OK he usually inspected half the platoons at random … but the question remains till this day).

It is a mystery for the ages I think.

In any case, I learned three valuable lessons that day.

1. You cannot hide the fact you farted in a closed space even if you are silent!

2. Farts sometimes can replace coffee.

3. Farts sometimes prevent morning inspections.

P.S. Keep up the non politically correct good work!