Whiny Bitch Privilege (How Slate Became the Little Spoon)


Maybe you’ve heard of a recent Slate article, in which the writer rails against the horrible evils of spooning. This writer is suffering through a year-long separation from his partner, and while soul-searching his loneliness realized he was wrong to miss spooning. I’ve always loved spooning; my wife has a great butt, and I fall asleep every night pressed against it. But this Slate writer informs me I was wrong to enjoy this; apparently, spooning is practically a form of physical torture.

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“After about 10 minutes, spooning becomes horribly uncomfortable…
And even if you do manage to sort out a configuration that works (for a time), the heat—the hateful, pajama-soaking heat—will soon build to intolerable levels.”

I had no idea I was suffering so badly the last twenty-two years. Crazy me, I actually thought I enjoyed holding my wife close every night. But not only was I suffering, I was sinking into a horrible moral quagmire.

“If the argument against spooning were only a physical one, I would not feel so strongly…But there’s a deeper issue here, a troubling aspect of spooning that emerges in the dimension of ideology, of what it all means.”

And what does spooning mean? Sexism, of course. And shocking cultural privilege. And, as an added bonus, violence.

“Big spoons are manly and will take care of you (provided you let them use you to take care of themselves); little spoons are fragile, passive creatures that need to be held and kept safe. This, of course, is fundamentally a sexist arrangement, one that casts the big spoon as ‘the man’ and the little spoon as ‘the woman.’ To say that this power imbalance is built into all acts of spooning—whichever the sexes engaged—is not, I think, an overstatement. Indeed, I would argue that spooning is always already a power play, a perverse strategy by which we nightly enact the unjust relations of ‘big’ and ‘little’ privilege that plague our society on every level…Vertical cuddling…removes much of the risk of physical discomfort and all of the semiotic violence that spooning conveys.”

That’s right. I’ve been inflicting violence on my wife all these years. And not just violent violence. Semiotic violence. Which I think means, like, really bad violence.

To be fair, this article hasn’t been well received even by regular Slate readers. Despite the strong backlash, Slate hasn’t pulled the article or deleted the approximately 500 negative comments (out of approximately 500 total comments). And the author surprisingly didn’t mention racism, the old Slate standby, in his article. Maybe it was an editorial oversight.

One or two Slate commenters have asserted the article was satire. Sounds like wishful thinking to me. In the recent past, Slate published the ridiculous rant of a man who hates himself for enjoying grilling, because grilling is stereotypically masculine. So no, it’s not likely this article was a joke. And if Slate claims it was? Sorry, bro. Calling this article satire is like writing a “satirical” article about Ben Carson believing evolutionary science comes from the devil. Fact isn’t satire.

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Trust me, I wanted it to be satire. As I read the article I searched for humor/irony/sarcasm, found nothing to smile at, and instead felt a wide range of other emotions. They weren’t solely along the lines of “is this dude serious?” What I felt was more like hatred, pity, mildly homicidal rage, more pity, immeasurable disgust, bemusement…and, eventually, gratitude.

Yes, gratitude. Slate, which has published numerous ridiculous, moronic, “help help, I’m being repressed!” articles over the years, actually did something good this time. They thought they were identifying yet another unforgivable inequality of modern society; what they actually did was collect, in one place, every reason we should despise the Far Left.

The Far Left is personified by the hand-wringing, hysterical little twit of a Slate writer quaking with outraged moral indignation over the way I sleep with the woman I love. He embodies the Far Left’s Desperate Desire to be Offended. Like all leftist extremists, he assumes his beliefs are morally superior to evil spooners (i.e., all regular people). He showcases the mix of arrogance, hypersensitivity, and urge to control others that marks the cult of the Far Left.

Don’t get me wrong. The Far Right pisses me off A LOT. But if, say, a scrawny criminal attacked me with a knife in a subway train, at least conservatives would likely take action to save my life. Far Left Beta males would not only flee in terror, they’d post online about how they feel justified in refusing to risk their own lives to save an innocent man.

Slate’s article makes me grateful I was raised around men – some conservative, some liberal, but all actual men – who worked hard, crafted valuables with their own hands, killed and ate animals, fixed engines, got farmers’ tans, shot Nazis, beat up neighborhood punks, and provided a blanket of childhood security I didn’t even know I had. I’m thankful those men weren’t sad, spoiled victims going fetal with grief over normal life. I’m proud my role models weren’t, like Slate’s writing staff, the functional equivalent of angsty pre-teen girls. I’m happy the men who raised me were polar opposites of this Slate author, who’s pretty much Pajama Boy but without the masculinity.

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But mostly, I’m grateful to Slate for showing the true meaning of “privilege”.

Slate has spent considerable time railing against the evils of privilege. White privilege, straight privilege, male privilege, cis privilege, ableist privilege, and now spooning privilege. The one privilege they failed to mention, but perfectly described in this article, is Whiny Bitch Privilege.

Whiny Bitch Privilege (psychiatrists call it WBP) happens when someone is so safe, so sheltered, so free of actual problems they create them out of thin air. Whiny Bitches, even if they’re actually white and privileged enough to attend an Ivy League University, are microaggressed when fellow students joke about their southern accents, or need “safe spaces” when a guest speaker threatens to present an opposing viewpoint. When a Whiny Bitch is traumatized by something like anxiety-triggering applause instead of non-anxiety-triggering jazz hands, they assert their Whiny Bitch Privilege to demand others stop conducting benign, innocuous, nonthreatening acts of human normality.


Slate has shown us real privilege: a life so worry free, one can choose to be offended to tears by absolutely nothing.

Let’s all thank Slate for showing us what Whiny Bitch Privilege looks like. Let’s ponder how WBP affects all our lives. Let’s think on it. Matter of fact, let’s sleep on it.

No, let’s spoon on it.

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Chris Hernandez is a 20 year police officer, former Marine and currently serving National Guard soldier with over 25 years of military service. He is a combat veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan and also served 18 months as a United Nations police officer in Kosovo. He writes for BreachBangClear.com and Iron Mike magazine and has published two military fiction novels, Proof of Our Resolve and Line in the Valley, through Tactical16 Publishing. He can be reached at chris_hernandez_author@yahoo.com or on his Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/ProofofOurResolve).


26 Responses to “Whiny Bitch Privilege (How Slate Became the Little Spoon)”

  1. 1 Vendetta

    I find your normalonormativism to be problematic, Chris. Only a bigot would think normal things ought to be normal.

  2. 3 David Anderson

    You read Slate…? Jeez, man…

  3. 5 Nick42

    And here I thought you were going to address the real controversy going on, the evil of suggesting that adults^H^H^H^H college students be allowed to choose their own halloween costumes.

    A professor at Yale had the audacity to suggest that the college which shouldn’t tell students what costumes are ok to wear. What was the response at a college that state that it’s commitment to freedom of expression means that when you agree to matriculate, you join a community where “the provocative, the disturbing, and the unorthodox” must be tolerated?

    Nope. Students demanded the professor be fired and shouted him down saying that “It’s not about creating an intellectual space! …It’s about creating a home!”. It was also announced that students would transfer to get away from the horror of wrongthink.

    Bonus points for irony: Apparently this professor is the Master (RA / academic advisor type) for the college (something like a fraternity) that holds the largest halloween party.


    • Correction: it was his wife that emailed this suggestion to the school. The Neoprogressive Taliban is outraged with the professor for refusing to censure and apologize for his wife. “Your wife is speaking blasphemy. Control your woman, Prof!” demand these crusaders against the patriarchy.

      • 7 Reltney McFee

        “Control your woman, Prof!” demand these crusaders against the patriarchy.”
        I saw what you did there. Nice, very nice. Did you also notice, that they did not speak to the manner in which he was to control this strong, independent feminist Womyn? Lotsa notthinkthroough, going on there!

  4. 8 mac11b2003

    Almost as disgusting and disturbing as the fact that people like this exist, is the fact that there are actually those of the opposite sex who are attracted to them.

    • 9 Priscilla

      Well, apparently the author of the Slate article is gay. “When my partner finally returns, we will no doubt wish to be physically close (perhaps in yet unknown Spanish ways HE is currently picking up).” My emphasis, nuff said?

      • I don’t care that he’s gay. I care that he’s a pathetic wuss. I know gay men who served in combat and chased down robbers. Being gay doesn’t make him a wuss, being a wuss does.

    • Yeah, that mystifies me too.

  5. 13 Joe in PNG

    Ah, as the hashtag goes- #firstworld problems.
    You have to be living a pretty damn luxurious, easy life if super minor things like ‘clapping’ sends one scurrying into a ‘safe space’.

  6. 14 Priscilla

    Oh, I see. It’s a metrosexual, not homosexual, phenomenom because a man having oral/anal sex with another man makes a man manly. Got it. And I don’t care that he’s gay either.

  7. 16 Priscilla

    As an explanation for the mindset under discussion. Remember the television show “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”? The gay Fab Four would take some poor hetero schlub and transform his wardrobe, grooming, culinary skills, his entire sorry life into utter fabulousness. I especially liked Thom, the decorating guru. He was a master. Anyway, I believe that show explains a lot about the current state of affairs. Think about it. There was no metrosexualization of America before it was hip to be LGBT. Feminism + LGBT movement=the wussification of the west. I mention the sexual behavior because that is what defines gay/lesbian, right? We are all gay now, Chris. At least women are, according to this study.

  8. 17 Joe M.

    Uh, what’s Rousey say? Yeah, none of that milquetoast bullshit.

    • 18 Priscilla

      Women can possess the manly virtues, such as courage and fortitude, just as men can possess the feminine virtues of mercy and compassion. The cultivation of all virtue leads to the making of a complete, integrated personality. And men and women can exchange roles but these are the exceptions to the rules. Cultural Marxisn is all about the gender bending.

    • 19 Priscilla

      Women can possess the manly virtues, such as courage and fortitude, just as men can possess the feminine virtues of mercy and compassion. The cultivation of all virtue creates a complete and integrated personality. And men and women can exchange roles, although these are the exceptions to the rules. Cultural Marxism is all about social constructs and gender bending. Whiney bitchitude is the fruit of Cultural Marxism.

  9. 20 Priscilla

    Right. Watch Rousey smack down the feminists.

    • 21 Priscilla

      Oops, sorry for the double posts. Keyboard issues. Here is the correct link:

  10. Everyone is over thinking the Slate Spooning article.

    It’s about deadlines and writer’s block.

    “What am I goin’ write? What am I goin’ write? What am I goin’ write? What the hell am I goin’ write?…….”

    He sit back and wonders for the 20 thousandth time “What am I goin’ write? I got a deadline. No story … no paycheck….I should just go to bed and get up early…Boy, I miss spoonin’… THAT’S IT!”

    He knows what Slate buys so….. The rest is ink on a page.

    But I got to say, Blogging Gold Chris!

    Stay safe………

    • 23 Joe in PNG

      Throw in a bit of “virtue signaling”- a way for some to publicly demonstrate their own superior moral sensibilities.

      It’s a hipster thing- they were against it before anyone else was.

    • 25 Frank Karl

      Damn, I missed winter completely and discovered it’s the first day of April! Seriously, somebody takes time to write and then find these articles?

  11. 26 Priscilla

    Read a few interesting blogs on a regular basis and the links just sort of jump out at you. I wouldn’t recommend it if you want to preserve your faith in humanity, though 🙂

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